Episode 008 - From Coffee Cups to Confidence: Knowing When to Leave the Wrong Table

No More Crumbs: Why It’s Time to Leave the Table That Doesn’t Value You

Overview:

This episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing your worth in various environments and the power of stepping away from situations where you're undervalued. We discuss the emotional toll of being a perpetual servant at the 'wrong table' and provide practical strategies for auditing relationships and claiming your own space.

Because, here's the thing: you’ve been busy serving the table when you should’ve been sitting at it. Pouring your energy into proving your worth, hoping someone would pull out a chair for you. But here’s the truth—no one’s coming to save you a seat. It’s time to stop waiting, stop proving, and start claiming what’s already yours. Today, we’re talking about how to take your rightful seat at the table.\

Key Takeaways:

• Examining the metaphor of the table in business and relationships 
• The emotional impact of being undervalued and ignored 
• Reflecting on moments of clarity and self-realization 
• Steps to audit relationships and recognize draining dynamics 
• Importance of setting boundaries and saying no 
• Defining and visualizing your own table and space 
• Encouragement to foster uplifting communities and relationships 

Next Steps:

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone else who needs to hear it, and I want to hear from you have you ever realized you were servicing the wrong table? Are you feeling that way now? What did you do about it? Or what are you going to do about it? Tag me on social media at the toypreneur, or send me an email at [email protected], and let's start a conversation about building tables where everyone has a voice and a seat.

Transcript:

Charlene DeLoach: 0:31

Thank you, welcome to the Toypreneur Podcast, where motivation meets marketing for playful solopreneurs. I'm your host, charlene DeLoach, and I am here to help you turn your passion in the play space into a thriving reality, whether you're a creator, retailer or entrepreneur. Are you ready to stop building someone else's dream and start creating your own? It's time to play people. This is the Toypreneur Podcast. In today's episode is one that comes straight from the heart, where I'm going to be talking about the difference between sitting at the head of the table, having a seat at the table, and servicing the table, and let me tell you, I spent way too much time servicing someone else's table. Now, when I talk about the table, I don't mean your dining room table, the table at a restaurant, right? This is a metaphor, but a powerful one. The table represents business opportunities, relationships, right. Workplaces where you're finding yourself constantly giving and supporting and servicing others, but often without receiving the recognition or, frankly, the respect you probably deserve. And for years, I found myself catering to others, meeting their business needs, supporting their business dreams, trying to prove I was worthy of just a tiny corner of that table. But here's the kicker they weren't even saving me a chair. They expected my energy, my ideas, my efforts, but at the end of the day, there was no seat. No thank you, not even a tip at the end of the day. Sound familiar? Well, today I want to talk about what happens when you wake up, push back the individual chair and you decide to talk about what happens when you wake up, push back the individual chair and you decide to sit at your own table.

Charlene DeLoach: 2:31

Now let me take you back to about a year ago. I kept showing up and showing up and showing up and giving my time and creativity, my heart, hoping that one day someone would say oh, my goodness, you are amazing, slide out of the chair and, hey, sit down with us. But it never happened. So I kept thinking it was me. Well, maybe I need to be better at servicing the table right, Maybe my creativity needs to be better, maybe everything I needed to do for them needs to be better and better and better. And maybe eventually it'd be so great I would finally be offered a seat at the table right, but I just kept refilling the coffee, if you will right, clearing the plates, but they were just leaving crumbs for me to sweep up. And eventually, after doing this over and over and over again. It hit me why am I doing this over and over and over again? It hit me, why am I doing this over and over and over again? Why am I servicing a table where I'm not even a guest?

Charlene DeLoach: 3:33

And all of a sudden, I had this moment right, and that moment was at this event that I was running. I was running around, like always, bustling around, da-da-da-da-da, when the setup and strike crew for this big, huge brand walked over, like, I mean, a brand that I would love to work with, but their third-party setup and strike crew came over and handed me the garbage. And that split second hit me. If I keep being the person who throws away the coffee cups for someone else's third party crew, how will I ever prove my worth beyond that? It felt like my only value was dealing with garbage and, honestly, at that moment I felt that's exactly how people saw me as disposable, like a cup itself. And that's when I woke up and I said how am I would ever be able to prove to this brand that I'm worth more than garbage, unless I started realizing myself that I'm worth more than that? It was that moment that I woke up and left the table and I wish I could say it was easy. It wasn't.

Charlene DeLoach: 4:49

When you've been servicing the same table for a long period of time, walking away from what is familiar to something unfamiliar is terrifying, but here's the truth. Staying in the wrong place out of fear is even scarier, and I had to trust that there was more for me beyond that table Maybe a whole nother room. And guess what? There was, and there is. So how do you know when it's time to get up and leave the table? Well, let's break it down First, realizing when you are servicing the table right, when you're constantly giving without receiving, when your value is measured solely by how well you support others and not by what you bring to the table, is you, when people expect your time and your energy and expertise, like it's on tap but there's no reciprocation?

Charlene DeLoach: 5:47

Think about it. Are you applauded for your ideas or are they repackaged without your name attached? Are you given the space to grow or are you just filling in the gaps for others? So ponder that. Next thing is the emotional toll it's taking you to stay when you're servicing the table without acknowledgement. It drains you right, it chips away at your confidence. You start feeling invisible, even though you're probably indispensable, because burnout isn't just about being tired, it's about giving and giving, until you forget what it feels like to receive, right, and that breeds resentment, and you get stuck and unappreciated. And then, even worse, you start questioning your worth. But here's the thing your worth isn't determined by the people who benefit from your silence.

Charlene DeLoach: 6:34

Now, number three, that moment of realization. Right, that moment you look around and go wait, wait a minute, why am I still here? Why, though, I still service a table where they don't even know my name? Basically, right. And that moment is both heartbreaking and liberating, because you realize that the table is crowded with people who don't value your presence, but you have the power to stand up, gather your things and walk away. It is scary, but it's also the first step towards freedom and finding that table with the people who do value what you have to contribute, and that leads to the validation of what you're worth.

Charlene DeLoach: 7:19

Right, when you decide to stop servicing the wrong table. It is not easy, because self-doubt leaps in. Right, am I good enough? Shoot, do I deserve my own table? Let me tell you this the answer is yes. Look at your journey, the wins that you did for them, right, the lessons that you did for them, the value that you created for them, right. The business that you built for them, the clients that you served for them, the knowledge that you carried to benefit them. It is your proof, though. That's yours, so you don't need permission or validation for anyone else. Take all that and start servicing your own table. Hopefully, you're starting to realize that, yeah, you know what it's time.

Charlene DeLoach: 8:04

So how do you know it's time and how do you figure out how to claim your own table? Well, first you audit your table. Make a list of the people, relationships and the roles in your life who fills your cup and who drains it, who values your presence and who only values your service. It was that moment when I realized they only valued my service, and I want to be sitting at the table where people value my presence. Number two set boundaries, right. Identify where you're over-serving. Maybe you're saying yes all the time, out of obligation, right? Well then start saying no unapologetically. Check your energy like it's your valuable asset, because it is.

Charlene DeLoach: 8:44

And then, number three, define your own table. Start envisioning what does your table look like. Is it a business you lead, a community you create or circle people who uplift you? Right, visualize it, write it down, start building it. Then, number four claim your space. Claim your table. Start small if you have to right Little person, but start. Launch that project. Share your voice, take up space.

Charlene DeLoach: 9:09

You don't need a seat at someone else's table when you can build a table where you decide who gets to sit beside you and, in fact, surround yourself with the right people. Find the communities that inspire and support you, people who don. Surround yourself with the right people. Find the communities that inspire and support you, people who don't just want you around for what you can do for them, but who value you for who you are. So today we talked about recognizing when you're stuck servicing a table that doesn't serve you Emotional toll it takes and that powerful realization that you don't have to stay. You deserve a seat at the table or, better yet, to build your own. When we cover practical steps to audit those relationships, set those boundaries and claim your table space. And again, remember this isn't about literal tables, but it's about where you choose to invest your time, your energy and your worth. There's a lot of people who would be so enthusiastic to have you at their table. You just have to have enough courage to get up and walk away from the table that doesn't serve you anymore.

Charlene DeLoach: 10:18

Now, if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone else who needs to hear it, and I want to hear from you have you ever realized you were servicing the wrong table? Are you feeling that way now? What did you do about it? Or what are you going to do about it? Tag me on social media at the toypreneur, or send me an email at toybox, at the toypreneurcom, and let's start a conversation about building tables where everyone has a voice and a seat. Remember, building a business in the play space isn't just about making money. It's about building something meaningful too. I'm Charlene Deloach, reminding you that it's time to play by leveling up. See you next time on the Toypreneur Podcast.